


Real Piece of Work

by Lady_Rougarou



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Dramedy, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-30 21:24:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Rougarou/pseuds/Lady_Rougarou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick Knubbler: an unsung hero of Doomstar Requiem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. just an engineer

**Author's Note:**

> A response to the lack of Dick in DSR.

The recording studio was a much more intimate place for watching an impending disaster but Willy had stabbed out the screen on that television a few weeks prior. With Toki and Abigail missing, a new television was not on the CFO's list of important issues so it remained broken. This meant that like everyone else not invited to the Mordhaus Central Control Room, Dick was forced into the Murderhall to witness Dethklok's first concert since the incident. Instead of cocaine and Pro Tools, his companions were two scientists and a large force of Dethklok's finest window washers and gardeners.

On the screen, Nathan addressed the crowd and received a lackluster response. Grumbles of discontent echoed through the Murderhall. And then Nathan introduced Toki on guitar. What followed was a room wide gasp of horror as Toki’s hologram flickered several times and then failed. The crowd’s chants for Toki drowned out all other sounds.

The scientists paled and immediately fled the room, but for what purpose Dick couldn’t imagine because the damage was already done. He gaped at the ferocity of the crowd's response.

"What are they doing? Are they burning—are they pulling down the statue!?"

His cell phone began to ring. With furrowed brows Dick reached into his pants pocket and pulled it out for a look. _Blocked_? He raised a hand to indicate he was going to take the call and a Klokateer lowered the volume of the television to a barely audible whisper of _"We want Toki back!"_

"Dick Knubbler," he said into the phone. As he listened to the response, his eyes flared red. "With Crystal Mountain? Uh-huh, yeah, I'm watching but I'm just the engineer. _Just_ the engineer, okay. I'm not the producer anymore, babe. Yep, you guys _fired_ me; don’t tell me you forgot."

One eye remained on the screen as his other roamed carelessly about the room and its sea of hooded occupants.

"Oh, acting producer now? 'Cause your girl-wonder got snatched and Charles isn't answering the phone?" He paused just long enough to hear half a response and then continued, raising his voice to new nasally heights to be heard. "Charles has been on board, okay, he's been on board this entire time. He’s been doing everything he can to find Toki and Abigail. The man’s stressed out. He doesn’t have time to talk to you. _I_ don’t have time to talk to you, okay?"

With one eye zoomed in on the screen, Dick registered that Nathan was addressing the crowd. Both eyes immediately focused on the singer and Dick realized, practically ignoring the idiot on the phone, that Nathan was declaring something to the world. There was a gentle whirring as his robotic eyes computed and translated Nathan Explosion's lips flawlessly: _Toki! We’re coming to save you!_

"Uh-huh, well you know Dethklok. You know how they are. But hey, it looks like Nathan and the rest of the boys are gonna be cooperating now. They’ll get Toki and your producer back and everything will be back to _normal_. Okay? Okay."

With a hiss of annoyance, Dick ended the call and jammed the phone back into his pocket. He folded his arms as a Klokateer restored the volume on the television.

"You, with the remote," Dick said. "Let Charles know that the label is still demanding answers."

"Right away."

As the Klokateer departed, Dick and the remaining Gears could all only watch the rioting stadium of fans in helpless silence and hope for the best.


	2. the gears in the klok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles has flown the coop.

Dick couldn't leave Mordhaus knowing that Dethklok was planning to personally risk their lives. They’d declined to even take any Klokateers with them when they went after Toki. It didn't sit well with Dick and nothing he’d said to William had made any difference.

"Babe, c'mon, it’s just common sense," Dick said.

"The four of us can handle that dildo Magnus," was William’s reply. 

No dice.

If that was going to be the case, Dick had decided to stay over. He had just smoked a joint, plumped the pillows and relaxed into Willy’s bed when the TV went from Tabitha’s Salon Makeover to a screeching skull. 

"Heeeyyyyyy! It’s your pal Facebones! This is an Emergency Security Override! Please stand by!"

 _Kill You_ played as the spinning skull idled. Suddenly, the screen switched to a feed of the Central Control Room. 

"Sir! This is 6957 of Mordhaus Surveillance. We've confirmed a large group of protesters approaching the grounds. Initial reports indicated that this was a group made up entirely of children and young adults. We’re awaiting confirmation now."

When nothing further was said, Dick surveyed the screen and realized that all eyes in the Central Control Room were turned to him. Were they waiting for him to speak? He tugged at the collar of his shirt. This was so going to destroy his buzz.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me, people._

"Okay, so, what..?"

"Master Offdensen is gone. We need orders on how to proceed."

"Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean, Charles is gone? Where did he go?"

"He quit."

Dick’s vision went red at that news. Charles Foster Offdensen _quit_?

6957 cleared his throat. "After Dethklok, Master Offdensen and Abigail Remeltindtdrinc it appears that you’re the next in command."

"That’s just great!" Dick shouted. "No one thought I needed to know this? No one gave that any thought? That you might wanna tell me? Huh? Let Dick in on a little information?"

In a fury, Dick threw the covers back and leaped out of the bed. His exit was swift and dramatic. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to get to the Central Control Room and turned right back around into William’s room. 

"Sir?" 6957 said uncertainly.

"Send someone to escort me through this fucking labyrinth!"

**

Dick shifted uncomfortably in Charles’ vacated seat; his ass was much too bony for the damn thing. He thought of sending someone for a pillow but lording it over the Klokateers made him more uncomfortable than the seat. He was no CFO. "So, um, okay. We've got angry kids storming the gates. Any ideas?"

He was not met with any response. A sea of black masks stared back at him. Dick pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. This was more than out of his comfort zone: this was ridiculous.

"Really? No ideas at all?"

Finally, a voice chimed in over the speaker system.

"Hi, um, this is the blogging division."

Dick zoomed in on the large screen in front of him as the feed switched to a computer room filled with female Klokateers. A few of them clustered around a security panel but the rest were hard at work at their computers.

"You got something for me, babe? I hope so. We don’t need dead kids on the news. That’s probably the last thing we need, okay."

The female Gears around the panel bobbed their heads in agreement. One of them spoke.

"Yes, sir. This is 1292. We've got a hundred talking deddy bears up here that we were planning to use for the Tumblr Dethmas Giveaway.."

"Deddy bears? Replicas of Toki's deddy bear?" Dick's eyes flashed green. "That could work. Okay. Okay, yeah! Kids'll eat that shit up, right? It's worth a try. Make it happen."

The large screen changed to security footage at the Mordhaus gates. Dick left one eye on the children as the other roamed around the room, focusing on one masked face at a time.

"Anything else? Any other pressing matters? Nothing?"

There was a chorus of "no, sir" and Dick nodded with satisfaction.

This could possibly end well.


	3. in the bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's got a lot on his plate.

"The crisis at the gates has been averted, sir," said the Elite Klokateer who had introduced himself earlier as 34.

Dick jerked awake. He hadn't even realized that he’d fallen asleep but at least 34 was experienced in running things when Charles was absent. It was good to wake up to good news. The deddy drop had gone as planned and luckily there had been more bears than children.

"And the band?"

"112 and 56207 are two of our best trackers. They've managed to find Dethklok at a bar called Depths of Humanity."

"That, uh, okay. Depths of Humanity, huh. That sounds foreboding," Dick said.

**

"Dethklok is on the move!"

The announcement came just as Jean-Pierre arrived. Behind him were half a dozen Klokateers pushing rolling buffet tables of food.

"Merveilleux!" the chef gurgled happily at the news.

"Thank you, Jean-Pierre," said 34, getting up from the security panel. "We were starving."

Dick slid down from the raised seat, newly energized at the mouth-watering smell of French toast. The Central Control Room Klokateers who had headed for the food made way for Dick to serve himself first. Charles had really, actually quit this gig? Hell, he’d always had to order his own food, even when he was producer.

"So, the band is on the move. Okay, that sounds promising. Where are they heading?" Dick said. He took his time, eyes roaming over and zooming in at each buffet to see what was available.

"Lord Skwigelf seems to have an idea where Lord Wartooth is being held," said a Gear still at the panel. "Our team is following them to an abandoned building but it appears there are.. obstacles."

"Obstacles? Like what, exactly? Hm?"

The Klokateer could have looked frightened or concerned or noncommittal under the hood, but he’d never know. Dick never did get the whole hood thing. Reading faces was something he was good at and it seemed counterproductive to not be able to stare someone down as they spoke to you. "Ahh," the man sighed as 34 dashed over to resume his place at the panel, "a few hundred angry musicians."

Dick was about to fling his plate of food at the Gear when 34 spoke up.

"Crisis averted. Dr. Rockzo the Rock’n’Roll Clown has distracted the mob. Dethklok and Ishnifus Meaddle made it safely into the building."

"The clown?" Dick’s eyes whirred and reset to their default positions as he attempted to process that information. With brows furrowed he stared down at his plate of food. "That fucking clown saved the day?"

"The team is reporting that he stalled the mob with cocaine."

Oh. Well. At least something made sense that day.

**

It wasn't long before fate decided that Dick needed another brush with a heart attack.

"Dethklok managed to escape, but.. Ishnifus Meaddle did not exit the building. He’s presumed dead."

Dick massaged his temples. What would Charles do? How would Charles have handled this situation? Dick wasn't cut out for calling the shots outside of a recording studio. "Nnnn, if he’s dead," he said, eyes flickering from red to green and back again in uncertainty, "then Dethklok doesn't have any guidance."

"Your orders?"

"Um, tell the Gears to break cover and assist them!"

34 nodded and gave the command.

"Sir," Dick could tell by the sound of the Klokateer’s voice that something was wrong. "They’re reporting that Dethklok has already reentered the building."

"Get in there after them!" Dick shrieked with his heart in his throat.  _William._  34 relayed the message and then closed his eyes and gave a shake of his head. Dick showed his teeth in a snarl. "Put them through the loudspeakers."

It only took a moment for the lines to be rerouted. "Hello?" said a voice.

"You!" Dick said. "Which dickless moron are you!?"

"This is 56207 speaking, sir."

"You let them go back in alone!? Why aren’t you going after them? It’s your job to die instead of them!"

"It happened too quickly, sir! The doors were closed and barred. 112 is over there now trying to get them open. Huh?" A muffled voice could be heard shouting.

"What? What did he say?"

"A red light, there’s a red light engulfing the building! Some kind of beam is coming from the sky. The Revengencers are fleeing and the door is back open!” The sound became muffled again and Dick leaned forward, straining to hear.  _What? Are you sure?_  was all he could make out.

"Tell us what’s going on!” Dick said.

"112 said the building is imploding? Collapsing? It’s still standing right now. He’s heading—"

The sound of 56207's voice ended abruptly. Frenzied running and breathing echoed through the room. No one made a sound. Finally, 56207 managed to catch his wind and shouted, "They're out! Dethklok is out and they have Lord Wartooth!"

The Central Control Room erupted into cheers. Dick sank into the seat and put the back of a hand to his clammy forehead. What a fucking night.

"In the bag," he said faintly.


	4. damage already done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dethklok returns to Mordhaus.

Dick was alerted the moment that the Dethcopter entered Mordland airspace. He demanded an escort from the Central Control Room to the helipad and the command was granted at once; he really could get used to this gig. Following behind the female Klokateer, Dick had time to shake it out. He took deep breaths, attempting to calm down from his anxiety.

Standing on the roof, watching the chopper land, Dick stretched his eyes to the limit trying to see anything he could through the windows. The red sky only hindered his vision, but he had it better than anyone else out there. He caught a glance of Skwisgaar's golden hair but that was the extent of what he could make out.

The elite squad Dick had sent to pick up the boys filed out of the Dethcopter first. They looked here and there, assessing the roof before giving the okay for Dethklok to deplane. Dick brought a hand to his mouth when Nathan and Skwisgaar emerged with a gaunt Toki held up between them.

"Shit," was all Dick could manage. A red-eyed Skwisgaar stooped and grabbed Toki up into his arms; that in itself really drove home how bad-off Toki was. Nathan continued to hover even as the guitarist was cradled in Skwisgaar's arms. The poor kid looked awful.

Pickles came from behind them, scurrying to get the rooftop access door open. A determined Skwisgaar immediately marched through it and Nathan and Pickles weren't far behind.

William, though, took his time getting out of the chopper.

"Is Toki alright, babe, is he okay?" Dick bit his lip as one eye remained on the doorway the rest of Dethklok had vanished through.

"Yeah," William said, "we got him just in time. Fucker nearly died on us."

"Just in time, okay. Okay, uh, good. It’s sure been a long night waiting up."

"Long night for you? What about me? I had to participate in all of this gay emotional shit! Listened to Skwisgaar crying into Toki's hair like a bitch all the way back here, told him to get a fucking room but you think that stopped him? Nope. Dildos. Toki didn’t even say a word the whole flight. Not even a _thank you_."

When it came to competitions of who had it worse, Dick didn't even bother putting up a fight. He doubted William would even understand what he'd been through during this entire ordeal. Instead, Dick was all sympathy.

"I'm real sorry you had a rough time, babe," he said soothingly. William allowed him to place a hand on his shoulder. "It's over now. Toki's home safe. What about Abigail?"

"Oh, her? Yeah, dropped her off at St. Necrophagist on the way," William said. It was a true testament to his exhaustion that he didn't respond with anything hateful about the woman.

"What about Toki? Why wasn't he checked in?"

"Because Skwisgaar's a faggot and said they'll go tomorrow," he said, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of both hands. It was then that Dick noticed two punctures on William's right arm.

"Geez, Willy, what is that? You’re bleeding. Let me take a look at that, babe."

"Ugh!" William snapped. So much for exhaustion. "It's nothing. Move. I'm going to bed!"

Dick couldn't help it. His eyes flashed red and the robotic pupils grew large. "You’re gonna let me bandage that, okay? You don’t want an infection, William. No way. No dice. You’ll be useless on stage. Do you want that? To be useless? Because that's what's going to happen."

His words struck a serious chord in William; he could tell by the way the man's upper lip was twitching. Dick almost felt bad for saying it but being harsh and playing upon William's insecurities was about the only way he ever seriously got through to the bassist.

"But if we take care of it _right now_ there won't be an issue. Right? Dr. Dick will have you bandaged up and jerking off with that hand in no time. I've got a first aid kit in the studio. Come on."

When Dick took William's hand and led him away, he didn't protest other than muttering a halfhearted, "So gay."


	5. once more with feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dethklok returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me through this!

Standing backstage at a Dethklok concert had never been more exciting. Dick and the high-fiving Klokateer team were thrilled with the sound, the vibe and the reaction of the audience. Hell, even the doomstar blazed magnificently above as Toki and Skwisgaar's guitars dueled in perfect harmony.

But with the absence of Charles, none of that seemed to matter as much as it would have before.

The triumphant return of Toki Wartooth felt somewhat hollow because the band – the world – had been irreparably changed. Sure, Dethklok had a new manager in Abigail (and Dick was once again rightfully the producer _and_ engineer) but the former CFO had left a void that none could fill. There was also the Metalocalypse to consider.

William ducked backstage between the first and second encore, hot and sweaty and smiling.

"Doing great," Dick said. He snatched for William's right hand before the man could protest and checked the bandaging on his wrist. He let go when he was satisfied. "This one's going in the record books for sure. Need anything, babe? Quick drink? Pill? Bump? I've got your back."

William rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. "Nah, I'm good. Just riding the wave."

"That's love out there, Willy. They love you."

"Yeah," said the bassist, "and aw piss, gotta go!"

The roar of the crowd intensified as the band emerged for their second encore.

**

The celebration lasted well into the next morning. Dick made his rounds throughout, patting backs and stroking egos like a certified professional. There hadn't been a gathering that large at Mordhaus since the release party that had ended in the Revengencer attack.

Right in the middle of a detailed explanation of what exactly a producer _did_ , Dick was pitched forward as William bumped him hard from behind. The malty scent of beer overpowered him as his white suit was drenched. William took a step back to survey the damage.

"Sorry 'bout that," he said, though he was anything but. Dick raised an annoyed eyebrow but his lips quirked upward regardless.

"Well, ladies, looks like our boys are starting to reach their limits tonight!" Dick said to his small audience with a breathless laugh. "You're gonna have to excuse me while I clean this mess up, okay."

"Lemme help with that," William said.

Both the remainder of Dethklok and the Klokateers alike pretended not to notice as the two of them vanished down a torch-lit hallway.

**

Later, in bed, William's snores drowned out what sounds of the party Mordhaus's excellent insulation did not dampen. Dick couldn't even hear the mechanics of his eyes as they roamed in the darkness.

Dick prided himself on his ability to see and notice every little detail. He knew perfectly the details of William's bedroom: every tarnish on the blade of the guillotine that served as the bed's headboard, every bit of rust on the ancient weapons and torture devices mounting the walls and every identity of the embalmed items throughout.

But as his eyes powered down for sleep, Dick could not see the black lines of corruption crawling up William's arm from beneath the bandage; and when William opened his bloodred eyes, Dick didn't see that either.


End file.
